You know you've been in China for a while when….

Friends, Romans, Countrymen. Its been four score and twenty years since I last held my manhood so cheap as to not write to you a blog post here on St. Crispen's Day.

Before I begin I would like to start with a 'Hello!' to everyone is reading. I just figured out how to find out the statistics that are linked with this blog and have a few fun facts!

• One follower- Hello to a Mr. and Mrs. Tindall-Jones.  :)
• Over 2000 views. I would get excited, but I think I know who most of them are from (Hello mother and father!)
• Readers from all manner of places around the world!  Greetings to my readers from South Africa, Bangladesh, Russia, Egypt, Italy, Australia Denmark and  Norway- Hello everyone!
• With all of these  hello's I might just break into the 'Hello' Song that I have been singing to the kids all week. Someone stop me. Please.

SO this week (or rather last week) my dear Laura came for a cheeky visit to these oriental shores. It was not quite as strange to be seeing her here as I thought it would as we are always together in odd places/situations. We should really consider keeping up this alternate gap-yah thing as it means we will always have somewhere interesting to visit each other!

As part and parcel of being tour guide for the week I realised all over again just how different it is to live here. However what Laura was experiencing as new and just a little weird, I had either got used to or just accepted!

You know you've been in China for a while when….

• Someone spits on the street and you don't look twice.
• You realise horns are used instead of mirrors on the roads.
• You are comfortable with pointing at something in characters on the menu and awaiting the surprise that will be dinner.
• You can eat a bowl of noodle soup without getting any on yourself. Two or three of my tops have been sacrificed to training to this end.
• You have been to KTV and LOVED IT (to be explained later)
• You can make chitchat with the lady who runs the fruit and veg stall at the market ('I'm hungry' *Smiles* 'Are you busy today?' *Shrugs* 'Six yuan please.' Always worth a try). Although why they always offer me a cucumber when I walk up still perplexes me.
• You forgo your English sense of public embarrassment and social awkwardness. Fact: you will be stared at whatever you do, and because you don't speak the language, everything you do will take at least twice as long. You learn to deal with it or hide in your apartment and never come out. Getting on the back of a taxi and it taking a good five minutes for the driver to be able to get the engine going whilst all of his taxi friends watch and laugh is a good test of your ability to hold firm against a crimson flush emerging.
• You get extraordinarily good at making small talk in broken chinese/english. Had a 20 minute chat with three lovely young women at a bakery the other day simply because they liked the braids in my hair.
• You get used to people asking for your picture.
• You can outstare the group of 3 young men who have passed you on a moped and slow down to get a better look. Saying 'Boo!' unexpectedly leads to giggle-worthy results.
• You don't miss at all while using the loos. Not even one bit.
• You buy a pot of local spice to put in your cooking. (Nandos extra-hot when I return)
• You see another westerner and look at them funny.
• When something unexplainable occurs you shrug you shoulders and say 'Because China'.

In other news, we did try to have fun while Laura was here… below are the results!

We went shopping in Changshou Lu in Guangzhou and found some rather hilarious knock-off merchandise.

Pictured: spellcheck at its finest

Pictured: Me and my favourite purchase of the day. And no, it was not the charming Geordie fella pouting next to me.

We checked into a hostel in the north of the city and collected just about everyone we could to celebrate me turning the big 22! This included the entire chinese staff of the hostel (about 8 of them!)  all of my lovely mates from Xiaolan who had the day off, some from Foshan, and a selection of other english teachers that I had bumped into during my time in Guangzhou! We made quite the party!

Pictured: Me and my crew. Plus bubble guns just because!

It was a wild night full of joy and exuberance. I ended the night sans camera and phone, but these things happen. (Aaaand I wish they didn't)

The following day (Birthday day!), a rather bedraggled and slightly worse for wear gang headed off into the city in search of some rugby! After the longest ever trek through the metro system and a couple of queasy moments on upsettingly swaying trains we made it!

Pictured: Not overly happy to be doing anything other than being horizontal on a sofa.

Pictured: A welcome sight!

We following an outstanding thunderstorm that delayed the game by a good hour we outshouted a rather cocky American fella (it was his first ever rugby match- I wasn't going to being taking that kind of rubbish on my big day) and watched England's women pound America! I even got a round of 'Swing Low Sweet Chariot' in. I felt whole again.

Pictured: Representing!

Pictured: The lake that was the pitch and track. The sky actually turned so dark I thought it might possibly be the second coming.

SO! Home to Xiaolan!

As first order of business we decided to embark on a birthday treat in the form of a massage. There was a place that we were recommended that had just opened and was offering a splendid deal: one hours massage for 30rmb (£3!). What's not to love. Our masseuses were both stunning ad skilled as their clothing left little to the imagination! As this place was advertised as 24/hour I shan't delve into the reputation some of these places have as they gave me oranges and tea, and in my eyes, they cool :) In any case, I felt like putty by the end and wanted to take my wonderful masseuse home with me to be on call!

Pictured: It got a little intimate!

Other notable occurrences:

KTV

All of the teachers had received an invite to a friend's birthday, and in true Chinese style it was held at a KTV place!
Just to explain, KTV is like professional karaoke. Chinese people love it and it was once explained to me that the idea of suddenly becoming a famous overnight due to a hidden talent is hugely popular here. This can we seen in the plethora of reality TV singing shows that are shown on just about every screen you see here. There are advertising screens in taxis, by the lift in my apartment building and even in some loos! This KTV joint was really quite cool, all mirrors and low lights and a palatial entrance hall to add to your sense of grandeur and importance. It was a fabulous evening, although I do think our Chinese party guests were slightly confused when we wailed along to Bohemian Rhapsody. Even as an englishwoman I understand why!

Pictured: In this moment, I felt one in a million.

Longshan Park

On the one sunny (yes, it decided to become monsoon season as soon as Laura arrived) we headed down to Longshan Park which is a beautiful People's Park a short walk from my house. You feel that you have to reconsider criticising communism after visiting a few people's parks as they are government funded and so far, all around stunning.

This particular park ad a five storey pagoda that you could climb and survey your kindgom from. Highlight of the climb was that amongst all the canoodling couples (I will not say either way if Laura and I were among them), there was a group of young men (aged 17-19) who sat, silently enjoying each others company to the sound of Adele's 'Someone Like You'. I like to think that they were present in commiseration and for one of their number who'd had a bad break up. It was a beautiful moment.

Pictured: The Pride Rock of Pagodas, also Laura and I on our Lady-Date.

Pictured: You could also hire boats to venture out onto the lake. Day. Made.

Following soon: the Shanghai Adventure!

Note: Photos courtesy of a one Laura L. Whitaker. My camera is now in the hands of a Chinese man that surely will not appreciate the various duck faces pulled by my friends on my birthday night.